Just Call Me "Boob"

"Mom". "Mama". "Mommy". That's my name now, isn't it? I'm pretty sure for the first six months of her life, my daughter just knew me as "Boob". While breastfeeding does wonders for health and bonding, the side effects are downright funny.

While feeding, your baby might gaze at you with unbridled adoration. She sees her protector; the one who keeps her safe and loved. Five minutes earlier, however, she was Wile E. Coyote. Face it: you were a juicy bird and she would've dropped an anvil on you for a taste.

Actually, newborns, regardless of gender, are a lot like many teenage boys. They only see what's on your chest, they'll squirm for as long as it takes to get to them, and once there, they've lost interest.

Similarly is their love/hate relationship with those same sandbags. Why else would they insist on those roundhouse kicks to your sternum as they snack? Bruises aside, one thing you can always count on (at least in the early days) is the diaper blowout five minutes into each feeding.

Being associated with a food source isn't all bad, but don't kid yourself into thinking yours are the only tater tots she's after. When it comes to other female friends and relatives, your little explorer is all about new conquests. Hopefully, your visitors won't mind an occasional roving hand or subsequent wardrobe malfunction or take offense to a little lip smacking. After all, she's just looking for an afternoon snack.