The First Year: Looking Back

I never thought one year could pass so quickly. It's hard to believe my daughter is already celebrating her first birthday when it still feels like we just brought her home from the hospital. Not only that, but there are still so many things I haven't quite figured out.

I'd like to pause from my usual posts this week to take a look back on Bailey's first year.

Bailey Erin was born on May 21st at 2:21 a.m.

At fours days past my due date, I went into labor the night before my scheduled induction. Four and a half hours after being admitted to the hospital, Bailey Erin arrived - wide-eyed and curious. The feeling of becoming a parent was overwhelming. My stay in the hospital felt surreal. Is she real? Is she really ours? Does she know me? I had loved my little girl for nine months already, but we were just now getting to know each other.

For someone who has always been slightly paranoid when it comes to safety, you can imagine how this has affected me as a parent. My husband and I took shifts sleeping in the hospital (when it was even possible) so there would never be an opportunity for a cat burglar to slink in and steal our baby. Even when she was taken to the nursery for shots and testing, my husband never left her side.

The drive home was an experience. The fifteen minute trek from the hospital took twice as long through back roads and residential streets. With each pebble we drove over I frantically cried, "Careful! Her head is bobbling!"

Looking back now, it's amusing how ridiculous I was about so many things. I remember leaping over furniture in order to reach my rocking chair (and feeding station) when she was hungry. My husband walked in behind me holding a hungry, crying baby and looked at me like I was insane. At that moment, though, nothing was more important than feeding my child.

There have been struggles along the way. Breastfeeding, while completely worth it, presented its own difficulties. Growth spurts took me by surprise; who knew infants had them at two weeks, six weeks, nine weeks, etc.? Luckily, Google and countless moms on message boards helped us out along the way. Our poor kid was riddled with gas pains before we learned milk in my diet was the culprit.

Bailey, overachiever that she is, segued from her first growth spurt to the next. That was a trying month for both mom and boobs. Sleepless nights were (and, sometimes, still are) always rough. It's one thing to get only a few hours of sleep, but it's another to be up at 4 a.m. with a crying baby and no hope for rest.

Aside from the surprises, struggles, and sleep deprivation, there has been more laughter in my home and in my heart over the past year than ever in my life. Considering I'm blessed with a husband who makes me laugh everyday, it's saying something that I laugh even more now that I'm a parent.

This has been the most amazing and rewarding year of my life. My daughter's smiles encourage me to perform the most atrocious dances, but I don't care. When she giggles, my heart swells. When she's soothed by my voice, I feel like a superhero. When she was an infant, I would sing to her to calm her down. I can't describe how incredible it felt to see the way she looked at me as I sang to her.

All of the firsts we've shared together were each special in their own way. Her first smile, the first time she said "Mama", the first wave, when she learned to roll over, sit up, and stand... each has been precious.

I know she's still a baby, but if the first year, with all of its snags and struggles, can fly so quickly, what does that say about each year that gets a bit easier? It's bittersweet to watch her grow up so fast and I need to do everything I can so I don't miss it.

Bailey, you're celebrating your first birthday now, but someday you'll be a mother, too. It's hard, it's scary, and it's incredibly rewarding. Always know that no matter what I do in my life, above all, I will always be proud to be your mother. Happy Birthday.